Sometimes, what we think we want and what we truly want are very different things.

Hi guys; I haven't updated in forever again.

/Reliable updater is reliable.

I have a feeling that i'm going to have to get better at it though. Otherwise I feel that my mental health is going to suffer severely from not being able to spew the crap in my head to someone or something. Usually I just unload it onto my mum, but I figure that that's not very fair, as she usually picks up other peoples stress easily.

The guy I liked... Things got complicated. We met up recently actually, more recently than you might think because I had to postpone the first time (for reasons that i'll let you know in a minute!) but when we met up I truly did have a good time. I truly do like him. We even kissed a bit. But that's beside the point.

The point is, I had to think about where it left me for quite a while; leaving him in limbo. It made me feel like a terrible person, and eventually I came to the conclusion that I actually didn't want a relationship at all like I think I did. I'm one of those people who is not only anxious, but also can't handle much change all at once, and at the moment I really do have to change a lot. For work, for family, for myself- just as a part of growing.

It's a lot of pressure; and generally I can handle it, but too many things and I know i'd stretch to my limit and probably hurt more people than I would save.

The reason the first time we were supposed to meet up got cancelled; let's begin with that and casually move the subject on.

SO, my opticians appointment.

Nothing is wrong with my eyesight! Nope. Nada. Zip. BUT something could be wrong with my brain.

You see, when she was shining the light into the back of my eye (and you can really creepily see all the vessels back there .__.) I fainted. Got a huge headache, blacked out and went unconscious for a minute or so. Now apparently that's NOT normal, although truthfully I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Apparently though, everyone else does.

I have a neurology appointment on Tuesday, with Doctor Hu. Not Doctor Who. I wish.

Boo.

I also feel kind of sick right now; my throat kills which makes me feel nauseous. Yay! -_-

I had to say no to someone who asked me out yesterday, too. 

Someone out there hates me, I think.

I mean, what would anyone even SEE in me?! There's nothing here! I'm really BORING.

Oh and I have three essays to write.

That's basically my life for the past 2/3 weeks! Oh, and i'm sure you know already, but SKYRIM'S OUT.

IT'S THE MOST AMAZING GAME EVER. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I've killed... at least seven dragons, completed the dark brotherhood and the thieves guild or at least the main story) and met 3 Daedric princes. Life on that game... why can't that be life?! That would be awesome.

That's why I like that game. When my friend Adam (who's one of my best friends) was telling me about it, and telling me about how he likes to get lost in the game, I can't say I understood. I really can't. I thought it was insane; why would you want to immerse yourself so much that you forgot real life existed. So much so that you won't join an XBOX live party? It made no sense to me.

And then.... all of a sudden, it made perfect sense.

...Now I have to go for Chinese, and i'm going to post this before I forget that it exists! Thank you for reading, if of course you did. I'm keeping the faith that life will get better, and I truly hope that right now, so you should too! Oh yeah, and if someone could let me know how to respond to comments, that would be swell. Do I need to change the theme of my blog? I have no idea - but I don't want people to think i'm ignoring them because i'm NOT and I love the comments you leave!

RAMBLE<3